Let’s talk fertility

It’s September, which means it is PCOS awareness month. I wrote this text almost a year ago, but some things take time to speak about publicly. Especially those that affect your physical as well as mental health. 

I’m settled now

I did it, I settled down. Sort of.

The hormones made me do it

Every time I am without my baby, I feel like some sort of double agent with a secret life. Especially on public transport I look around at my fellow passengers. None of them know what my life entails now. It’s as if I have a dirty little secret although my secret is far from shady.

The struggles of maternity leave

Summer’s here, daily park strolls, boozy pub meetings at lunchtime (once a week - let’s not get crazy here with the boozy boob).

Despite all this, one question that is constantly popping up at the moment is: “Am I enjoying this enough“?

With “this“ I don’t mean motherhood, I mean being on maternity leave. Motherhood is great - hard work yes, but as rewarding as it could possibly be.

I wouldn’t call myself a full-time mum. I actually despise that term. Why aren’t you considered as one when you’re working? You are always a full-time mum. You never stop to be one just because you spend the majority of the day working. Technically, yes I am a full-time mum, but I am also a woman, partner, travel enthusiast and a pathological Netflix streamer.

It’s almost half-time of my mat leave and that’s probably why I am having these thoughts. I don’t feel any guilt - yet - that I am going back to work full-time in a few months. It feels as if time has flown by, as if I left work yesterday and in that seemingly brief time life has changed completely. However, and here comes my problem, I still think too much about work and career prospects.

My work life is not on hold for me. It might be that I am on the younger side to have become a mum among my peers, but I do have the feeling that I need to assess, evaluate and stay in contact with work while cleaning my baby’s back from a poo-nami.

I have always had a problem switching off from work. And especially now, I see it as a burden. It’s rather the “I want to progress further when I come back“ than the “I feel left out“ feeling.

Most mums I know go back to work after a year - or have no plans to return at all. This has never been an option for me. Firstly, we are going to split parental leave and secondly, I see my career as a part of me that I could not give up for long.

My initial plan was to work in some projects while on leave as well. Ambitious me - screw that. Even if I have a couple of hours per day free - broken up in 25-minute intervals because babies are demanding - that is not enough to give you headspace to bring your mind to something.

So I really should take this time as a break from my job. But when I try to do this, my mind wanders to autumn and I imagine going back to work while all other mums continue to meet up for coffee, lunchtime wine and sensory classes. I won’t be able to do this and this gives me a feeling of missing out.

Regardless what you do, you can never win. I guess that’s motherhood, innit?

Beware of the border agent

„You alright?“ Asked the border force agent. „Yes,“ we said, cautiously.

It was the first time we returned to the UK as a family, weary of questions the agent would ask. 

For the border force, we are a mismatched family with different surnames and different nationalities within the family.

New environments

So. It’s done. The baby is here and I am overwhelmed, happy, anxious and feeling every emotion on the spectrum. Everything has changed, the world has been turned upside down. Our flat feels like a proper home. A home where a child lives. I have created a family and yet feel like someone who is too young for the responsibility. When I’m pushing the pram down the road, back in my pre-pregnancy clothes, sunglasses on, I wonder if this is all a dream that is going to end soon and the baby in front of me is just an accessory that I have to return after 28 days.

Brexit, Baby

Oh hello there. Yes, it’s been a minute.

Some of you will remember that I used to sporadically write about life as an Erasmus student in London, a reverse culture-shocked student/hanging-around-working-in-the-media-person in Berlin and as a journalist in Brighton.

So what happened? Apart from the obvious - Bowie’s death, the Referendum and Trump?

My name is, my name is (not the real Slim Shady)

I’m sure most of you know what my name is, but I’m also very sure that most English native speakers of you will pronounce my name differently to what I would call myself.

I have been living in England now for over a whole year; adding my Erasmus time, it’s almost two years I have spent on this island.

I think it’s time to do a round-up now to keep you all up-to-date, especially since it got a bit silent on this blog in the past three months.

This is what your 20s will look like

Fear of growing older? This is what you have to expect:

All roads lead to...London, somehow

This happens when you want to fly from Hanover to London:

10 places for a greedy and boozy day in Brighton

It’s already been half a year since I moved to Brighton. I guess I’m eligible at this point to give some good advice for a cheeky day/night out on the streets of this town.

I made a top ten list that contains food and drinks as they quite often come together or one leads to another. So, whatever you’re up to the A) liquid calorie version aka. Drinks only, B) sensible version aka. Food and then drinks or C) I’m going home alone version aka. Drinks then greasy food, this list contains everything you need. No need for a Jamie Oliver "Comfort Food" cookbook. Brighton, bring it on:

Let’s forget and Lest we forget

„Those who adhere to the past won't be able to cope with the future“ - Willy Brandt, 1971

Today is the 9th of November 2014, the day on which 25 years ago the Berlin Wall came down.

Today is the 9th of November 2014, the day Britain is building a wall between itself and Europe more than ever.

„We won’t mention the War“ - You already did

Holy Guacamole! It’s already four months since I left Germany and moved to Britain. During my adjustment and settle-in time, I was shaken up on a regular basis by questions lovely English people asked me. It’s a pretty sad list. But at least they are interested, right?

I'm too young for Worthing

I couldn't be happier not to live in Worthing. Or as someone told me "People move to Worthing to die". 

pre and post Brighton Pride brainwaves

What a Pride this was! My little Kiez turned into little Kreuzberg with people dancing to techno on the streets and beer was sold in front of off licenses. Just a few more gimps on the street, but all in all a new Brighton-Berlin similarity that I can tell of when people ask me why I moved from Berlin to Brighton (people will never stop asking). 

Bound 2 or the Internet of things

I looked for some things on the tinternet for you. A pure description of narcisstic Western society feat. Kanye West (no narcissism without Kanye!). This is us in a week's nutshell:

Monday's madness: Yep. I got it. Did you?

Beitrag von The guy who writes the headlines at 'The Argus'.

It’s the Wohnungsnotstand, stupid

This is the odyssey about how we ended up paying quadruple rent.

First of all, we couldn’t get rid of our flat in Berlin. 

We decided to move to Britain. As I got a job that started in the beginning of June, we had to cancel the rental contract. There’s a three-month cancellation period before we could get out of it. But we had to move in two months, that’s why we had to search for someone new ourselves who would be ok with paying 30% higher rent (Wohnungsnotstand*, stupid!), take our white goods and move in in June.

BUT THIS DID NOT HAPPEN.

The Empire Strikes Back

I moved from Berlin to England (again). This is how it happened:

Putting Merkel and New Order together

...in a blog post. Sounds maniacal, but - oh yes - I have Listomania! My handpicked list for calendar week 9 of the year 2014.

My encounter with Ukrainian police cadets and Lenin statues

I’m sitting here, two different live streams open. Watching the twitter feed and clicking on live blogs. I’m thinking about Ukraine and recalling my experiences with people there. My mind recalls especially one specific encounter.