Germany – Federal Republic of Bananas aka Bananenrepublik

 

In the GDR there was a lack of bananas. This was because the German army, the Bundeswehr, wasn’t there to protect sea routes for the packets of bananas for GDR citizens. Different country, no Bundeswehr, no bananas.

In the new trailer for the Bundeswehr, „Marine Trailer Bananen“ (why waste time with catchy titles) the army tells us plebeian citizens that – thanks to guns and soldiers – we can enjoy the sweet taste of these exotic fruits. The video really does enlighten my understanding of economy, wealth and the food industry. The army fires at the pirates, who board merchant ships, kill the sailors and make sea routes dangerous. Piracy must be the reason for why they came up with this bananas idea. You cannot actually see a pirate in the video. I guess Johnny Depp was too expensive and they couldn’t cast people with darker skin because that’s racist.

But the video does seem like a trailer for the army or at least the arms industry (but where is the difference anyway, Thomas De Maizière?). The content: Bombs exploding, guns firing senselessly into the sea. Smiling soldiers. Protecting the prosperity of Germany, wicked activity. A blond female soldier looking at screens (women can also do technical stuff in the Bundeswehr!). Ships and ships and ships. A clip for 16-year-old kids from the countryside with no clue what to do in their life. Join the army! Train on the Gorch Fock!

But for me, it’s conveying a deep, uncomfortable feeling that Germany has too many weapons. All that for a stupid banana? A banana that puts a smile on the blonde girl’s face (why is every woman blonde in that clip by the way?) at the obvious REWE supermarket in the beginning of the clip? Or is it all about publicity? Come on. As Stefan Kuzmany puts it in his Spiegel Online article, it’s weapon porn.

It is such a sad video. Even the shining sun in the video pollutes the atmosphere with awkward pride. We are proud to be soldiers, we are proud to make the way free for bananas for our affluent society. Disgusting.

But most disgusting is that they seem to use the same font for their text in the video as the right wing party NPD on their campaign posters. Yes, I am proud of you, Bundeswehr. Do some research before you produce videos. Or do you want to have this commonality? I guess not.

I want more of these ridiculous videos. I am so proud to be back in the Federal Republic of Bananas. Next time with some drones, please. Let’s forget the famines of the world. Germany wants bananas? Germany gets bananas!